by Haven Logan PH.D

        

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show
that the people who have the most live the longest.

Reverend Larry Lorenzoni

 

I sat on my bed staring expectantly at the clock. My hair was washed and curled, my toenails painted and my favorite red dress pressed. It was the night of my 25th birthday and I was ready to celebrate! Two weeks earlier I had mentioned to my roommate that I wasn’t sure what I was going to do for my birthday. She had replied, “Oh, I wouldn’t worry about that.” Naturally I assumed with joyful anticipation that she was planning a surprise party for me.

The clock’s hands moved painfully slowly─7, 7:15, 7:30, 8, 8:15, 8:30. Finally, I got up and went to inquire from my roommate what had happened to the surprise party she was planning for me. She responded, “I never said I was going to give you a surprise party! I just meant that you shouldn’t get so up tight about your birthday.” I was stunned and hurt.

That was the last birthday I ever left up to chance or to anyone else. From that day on I promised myself that I would decide what I wanted to do on my birthday and make sure that it happened.

The birthdays of my childhood seemed simple and predictable. My parents would give me one or two presents followed by a special family dinner. The real excitement came at the birthday party with friends where we would dress up and play games like Pin-the-Tail-on-the-Donkey and Musical Chairs until it was time for the much anticipated cake and ice cream.

By the time my son came along birthdays had become much more complicated, like everything else in life. Each year I would study my children’s birthday book trying to come up with a new idea that my son and his friends would enjoy. One year it was a Mad Hatter party where each child created their own hat, another included bringing a magician to the house inspired by my son’s love of magic tricks. Then later we moved to the bowling alley and the pizza parlor where growing children could move about freely and I didn’t need to worry about cleaning up.

Probably my own favorite birthday party was my 50th. The invitation instructed guests to “Come as You Were in 1969.” Dressed in tie dye and listening to the music of the 60’s, we all shared our personal histories from that watershed year. Most of my birthdays, however, have tended to be on the quiet side. What I most enjoy is giving myself permission to do things I might not do normally.

What about you? Are you someone who proudly proclaims to the world that it is your birthday and basks in the attention of that special day? Or perhaps you’ve reached a time in life when you would just as soon forget your birthday and dread the inevitable “over the hill” cards. What does a birthday mean to you? What does this particular birthday mean? We attach great significance to specific birthdays: 13-“I’m a teenager,” 16-“Sweet and never been kissed,” 18- “Now I’m an adult and you can’t tell me what to do,” 21-“I can drink legally,” 30-“I should be married,” 40-“Now the aging jokes begin,” 65-“Medicare at last,” etc. And at each of these age milestones are we really so different inside from that eight-year-old eating birthday cake?

 

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter.
If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter.
- Jack Benny

As I write this column I am contemplating what I want to do for my birthday this year which is only a few days away. So far the only thing I have done in preparation is to buy a novel and promise myself a day without any laundry, bill paying or errands. At this point in my life, a day curled up in bed with a good book sounds like the height of luxury. No doubt if it is a sunny day, I will come up with a plan for an outing in nature to be followed by a good meal with family and friends. Here are a few possibilities to consider when planning your next birthday.

• Think about what kind of a birthday calls out to you this year─ quiet or loud? At home or out somewhere? With lots of people, one or two close friends, or by yourself?
• If you always do the same thing every year, add something new and adventurous; a hike to a new location or a visit to the city for music or a play.
• Pamper yourself with a bath, a massage or a visit to hot springs.
• Indulge in your favorite foods. If cake and ice cream aren’t your pleasure celebrate with red wine and dark chocolate, a plate of sushi or a platter of exotic fruit─maybe all of these.
• Invite your child out to play. Since children love birthdays, let that child inside of you have some fun with blowing bubbles, playing a board game or dancing with abandon.
• Buy yourself a gift. Instead of waiting for someone else to figure out what you might like, get something for yourself. Wrap it up and include a card expressing how much you appreciate yourself.
• Spend time with people you love. Share with them some of the activities above. Call if they are far away.
• Above all give yourself the gift of time. If your birthday falls during the work or school week and you can’t take it off, proclaim a weekend day to be your day of celebrating your birthday.
• Just because the above list focuses on what you can give yourself, don’t be afraid to ask for what you want from others. Most people are greatly relieved to know what you really want. Some prefer to surprise you which is lovely as well.
  

 

For centuries astrologers, numerologists, poets and ordinary people have contemplated the meaning of one’s birthday and how it may influence your personality. I am partial to the theory that you were born at the moment when the planets aligned perfectly to create the unique being who is you. In that spirit may you celebrate the anniversary of your birth.

 

There was a star danced, and under that was I born.
- William Shakespeare