by Haven Logan PH.D

        
The morning rush to get out of the house can be hectic and nerve-racking. While still trying to wake up, there is so much to do in such a short time! 

“I need to take my shower first?”
“I can’t find my homework.”
“Where did I leave my keys?”
”Now we’re sure to be late!”

Yet in talking to people about the most stressful time of their day, it is not this morning chaos that they mention. More often it is the time when they return home from work, school, or errands and reenter “the sanctuary” of their home. Each of us desperately wants our own needs met right now!  Children are crying out for attention. Animals are jumping up and down, begging to be fed. Tempers flare as adults debate who will fix dinner.

“It’s your turn to get dinner!  I haven’t had a break from these kids all day and now I have a car full of groceries to unload.”

“But I’m exhausted! I had a terrible day at work and just drove an hour in bumper-to-bumper traffic.” Sound familiar?

Let’s take a trip back to the idealized view of American middle-class family life as seen in the 1950’s television show Father Knows Best. The mother of the Anderson family, who was played by Jane Wyatt, spent her days keeping the floors spotless, preparing dinner, and getting ready for the return of her three children from school. What always amazed me most was that she managed to do all this in a dress, high heels, and pearls. When the father of the Anderson family, played by Robert Young, came home he was greeted at the door enthusiastically by his wife and children. He would slip into his comfortable sweater, sink into his chair, and have time to recover from his day at the insurance office before being asked to cope with any of the family dilemmas.

Was your life as a child anything like this? While mine wasn’t exactly like that of the Anderson family, having a mother who did not work outside the home made evening time back then far more tranquil than the evenings of my adult life as a working mother. Today we deal with much more complicated lives than was the norm in the 1950’s. Both parents are often working and commuting long distances. The children aren’t just playing at the neighbors but usually have their own schedule of activities in the afternoon and the evening. Most of us would love to have a person like Mother Anderson to take care of us at the end of the day so we could collapse into our chairs.

Since Mother Andersons are in short supply, each of us has to discover for ourselves how to make this day-to-evening transition one that reduces rather than induces stress. To do this we need to let go of the preoccupations of the day, to switch gears, and to refocus from the outer world to the intimate world of self and family. What are your end-of the-day rituals? Which ones are working for you? Which ones aren’t?

Some transition routines are healthier than others. For example, this can be a dangerous time of day for mindless, compulsive eating.  It’s been a long time since lunch, so you’re hungry as well as tired from the demands of your workday. It seems easier to grab a bag of chips than to fix a nutritious snack while you’re starting to get dinner ready. It might feel like a treat that you deserve.

For some people, it helps to have a snack before leaving work so that they are not so hungry when they get home. If you do eat at home before dinner, just be conscious of what you’re eating. It can help to prepare healthy snacks ahead of time for both yourself and the children. Then give them a favorite activity to do while you’re relaxing and getting dinner ready.

Take a look at how you could make this a truly reviving time. Obviously this is a far easier task if you live alone, but even those with small children can create transition routines that work for everyone. It amazes me how just washing my face and having ten minutes to myself when I get home refreshes me for the evening tasks. Taking a shower and changing your clothes can also do wonders. Sitting down on the couch with a cup of tea in front of a crackling fire and talking about your day with family members can help you let go of its stresses. Think about what choice of routines will work for you and your family.

Exercise can serve many purposes during this transition time. It relieves stress and can help you forget the day’s problems. Some people like to stop on the way home to workout. Others leave for a walk as soon as they get home. A walk can be a way to enjoy nature, to have time to yourself, or to catch up on the day’s activities with a friend or family member while also getting your exercise.

Your evening routines will continually change as your life circumstances change. Just remember that it is vital for your health to take a break from the active, stressful pace of day-time to a more relaxed, slower pace in the evening. In order to achieve this, you might think about turning off TV’s and computers in favor of taking a walk or playing a game.  Make conscious choices that bring you true relaxation and connection with those you care about.  Doing so is not a self-indulgent luxury; it is essential for your healthy living.