by Haven Logan PH.D

        
Recently I came across a newspaper article that started me thinking about the health benefits of kindness. The article related that the Dalai Lama had donated $50,000 to the Center for Investigating Healthy Minds in Madison, Wisconsin. The center’s founder, psychologist Dr. Richard Davidson, is investigating whether meditation can promote compassion and kindness. In this project meditation skills are taught to local fifth graders with an emphasis on charitable thoughts toward others. Dr. Davidson calls this “changing the habits of the heart.” The center chose this age group because it is a time when destructive behaviors such as bullying and drug use often start.

I have mixed feelings about the changes in how we relate to each other that have occurred over the past decades. I grew up in an era where adults frequently said things such as, “Children are to be seen and not heard.” And they weren’t kidding. Adults were always addressed as Mr. or Mrs., and we were taught to always respect our elders. Expectations were clear. The downside was that most of us didn’t talk to adults about our fears, hurts, and angers. Abusive behaviors and family problems were not discussed. Then, in the 60’s and 70’s, came the societal clamoring for people to open up and express their feelings. When the youth of that generation became parents we wanted our children to be open with us. But we weren’t prepared for the rudeness and back-talking that often came with this openness. We would never have talked to our parents that way. If we had we would have been in big trouble. Nowadays our kids know they can call Child Protective Services.

Certainly some of the politeness of yesteryear was hiding negative feelings. On the other hand, it created an air of kindness in human interactions. At dinner it was, “Please pass the butter.... Thank you.... May I please be excused? Mother, may I please go outside and play?” Not exactly the dialogue you’d expect to hear in most homes in 2010. But doesn’t it sound appealing to parents who now may hear, ”Give me the butter... What is this?... Yuk... Why can’t we have pizza every night?... I’m out of here.”

Of course, manners are just one expression of kindness. Often they are customs, which have grown out of serious concern for the welfare of others. Men were taught to walk on the outside so that ladies would not be muddied by passing horses. Giving up your seat to an older person was recognition that they night not be as steady on their feet as you were. In that moment of giving someone your seat, there often passed a genuinely good feeling for both of you. 

There have been a number of scientific studies that have demonstrated that acts of kindness have both physical and psychological health benefits. Helping others both contributes to the maintenance of good health and can diminish the effect of ill health and stress-related health problems. When we help others our bodies reward us with a rush of euphoria often called “the helper’s high.” Endorphins, the body’s natural painkillers, are released and can decrease the intensity of physical pain. Helping reduces feelings of depression and isolation. We feel better about ourselves, more optimistic about the future and sleep better. Kindness and helping others can actually build a stronger immune system and a healthier cardiovascular system through reduction of high blood pressure, improved circulation and reduced coronary disease.

One reason we feel so much better when we are kind to others is that it allows us to take our minds off our own problems. As a therapist, I have the good fortune to have a job that involves helping others, but each of us can show kindness to others in a multitude of ways, no matter what our work or life situation.

 

As you think about bringing more acts of kindness to your life, here are some more thoughts:

• It’s not necessary to carry out large acts of kindness to get the health benefits. In fact, research has shown that small, regular acts of kindness create the highest levels of well-being.
• Think about what you could do today or tomorrow. How many times today could you remember to say thank you? Who could you call who might be lonely? What could you say to a family member that would cheer them up? Could you let that person with fewer items go ahead of you in line at the grocery store? Can you fight the impulse to turn away from some one who needs help and instead do what you can? Where might you do volunteer work to regularly help others in your community?
• Kindness has a ripple effect. It is beneficial to you, to the person receiving your kindness and to those who have witnessed the act. It is important, however, not to expect some particular outcome, such as the person showing appreciation. With no expectations there is no disappointment.

Ultimately, kindness has the power to benefit our entire society which is currently in a period of great stress. We see this stress acted out nightly on TV as various factions put each other down. One path to both personal and societal healing is through kindness. It is powerful. It is contagious. What you give will come to back to you abundantly.